Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
