I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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