I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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