I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
