The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
