I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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