This girl is more easily done than said...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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