There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you will always have a special place in my vag
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
