You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
