Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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