I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Life is so much better after having sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
