Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
