I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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