Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im holly from the hills drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
