so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
