half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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