We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
