forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
