i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
