Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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