Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
