it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
