You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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