I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
