hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
