I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
