He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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