he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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