the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
