Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
