Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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