Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
