I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
