when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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