"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I had to cum in my sink.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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