none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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