I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
