Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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