Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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