Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
