I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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