Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
