hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mom said you looked used
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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