i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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