the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
