I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there is glitter all over my balls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
