I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When did angry sex become our thing?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
