I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
