Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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