Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
