I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
