I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
