Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
